LET THERE BE SPACE!

Bear with me while I reflect a little:) Do you ever look back at a hard time in your life and reflect on a decision you made? Sometimes you wish you had taken a different path and sometimes you realize that a power greater than yourself led to to the right one? I remember reading some of the philosopher Immanuel Kant in college. He suggested that at a crossroads a person can make a choice simply by not choosing. That is often how I felt after my appointment with first appointment with a neurosurgeon on January 6, 2003. I knew as of that day that surgery, very scary surgery, was in my future. I also knew I wouldn't trust him to remove an ingrown toenail. I spent the next 3 months calling doctor after doctor trying to find a neurosurgeon who had even heard of Basilar Invagination, let alone one who knew what to do now. When came to the realization that there were no good choices in Denver, I stopped trying. I gave up on hope of any help other than medication. Then, Dr. O moved to Denver and everything became crystal clear. It was meant for me to wait for him. I know to my core that by choosing to wait, I had made, or been influenced to make, the right choice.

Now, the good news. Bobby, Billy Bob and I saw Dr. O yesterday and yes, there is SPACE! I knew from Dr. O's description of the procedure that there was a lot of bone and other "stuff" removed to give my brain more room, but it was a whole other thing to see it on an MRI. "Things" feel different in there, but it was rather freaky to have a visual to go with how I feel now. Dr. O explained that the positive cognitive changes are directly connected to the flow of the spinal fluid. He said my progress was right where he expected and to not be discouraged in regard to the continuing headache. The focus now should be moving on with life. I admitted to him that I have felt like such crap for so long that I don't remember what I used to like to do.

When Bobby first stopped drinking he said he was struggling with how to reinvent himself. I think I know what he means.....