When I was a teenager most of my friends were artists types and people who really didn't care what the world though of us. I never wanted to be normal. I thought it would be dull and meaningless. I wanted to be unusual, unique and misunderstood. (What can I say, I'm a product of the 80's) This was long before words like physiatrist, platabasia, Chiari, high-tone, retroflexed, odontoid, or any type of syndrome would part of my usual vocabulary. I no longer want to be unusual, unique or have something most doctors never heard of, let alone understand or know who to treat.
It was not until my diagnosis that I found out not everyone had one arm that was always colder than the other, it was unusual to have tunnel vision in the very cold weather and it was not funny, normal or entertaining to trip over one's own feet.
Before the surgery I told Dr. O that success for me would be no more new symptoms and relief of the headache that had come to stay. In the three months prior it seemed like there was a new tingle, numbness or pain every week. When I described success, I thought I knew what I was saying. Now I am not so sure. After all the difficulty of the surgery and the seemingly endless recovery I want more. I want to be normal.
Like so many people with life changing diagnosis, I wait, read web postings looking for support and pray.
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2 comments:
And I want a freesh livah. :-)
Making your way back into 'normal' is a long and bumpy road ~ isn't your life forever changed since brain surgery? But I totally understand ~ I have tried really hard all my life to be 'normal' but circumstances that i have been dealt will forever keep me in a place where i make my own reality. And now brain issues ~ like we need more character, right? Praying for you and your journey towards what feels more real and normal. You will get there ~ take it slow so you don't miss all of the real life stuff along the way!
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