Trying To Move On

In my entire life, I have never been so tired. My father's wife of 7 years, Alberta, my older sisters and I buried him last Wednesday, October 10th. His sons were unable to attend. The only good thing about ending this process, is that I won't have to do this again. I can only pray that I won't be the next widow in my family.

I lost my mom to MS in 1998. I felt closer to her and as bad as it sounds, loved her more than my dad, but I am taking this loss much harder.

Even though I have long been an adult, I am finding it hard to be an "orphan". I realize this term is usually associated with children, but I cannot find a better word that describes how I feel today.

The family of my husband of 17 years has embraced me, so I am hardly alone.

My father has one surviving sister and five surviving brothers, not to mention aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. My extended family is anything but small. We will go on for generations. Due to my parent's cross country move when I was young, I don't know any of these people.

A loss like this always changes a person's perspective about life. I have realized that my brothers, sisters and I are the oldest of our limb of our family tree. It is a sobering thought. I held in the back of my mind that there was always going to be someone older and wiser than myself. While there are many people in my life that are older and wiser than me, they are not my family. In addition to learning live without my dad, I am going to have to find my new place in the world.