Working World Ready for my Return ?

Probably not. Because I'm not. It's looking like I won't be ready soon, if ever...

New pain (considered going to the ER this week), new nausea, all sorts of new weird things. Started a symptom list for an appointment with a new neurologist (refer Dear Husband's (DH) blog - Billy Bob's Wild Ride Neuro post dated February 28, 2008). Thought I could then just type it here as well. The complete list is a full 3 pages long.

I originally asked for 3 weeks off work. The thought was to get some rest, check in with the docs, get caught up on tests the docs thought were important, maybe get the pain medication adjusted.

Instead I am sicker, weaker, more tired and less convinced I can ever go back to work.

I am a cog in the big wheel that is The City government. I shuffle paper. I am not a career woman. My job doesn't take a college degree. My showing up every day doesn't make a huge positive impact on anyone. Still, grappling with not being able to even be a cog has been the most difficult loss yet. And there have been a lot. The "short list" of loss/stress factors in the last 2 years:

2 highly invasive surgeries (Brain and surgery do not belong in the same sentence)
DH's best friend, and therefore by proxy my close friend, died of liver disease
Inherited her dog into my household of 4 cats
Saw DH through alcohol detox
DH of 17 years diagnosed with stage 4 liver disease
Father died
Assisting DH in his application for SSDI - if the answer is no, I will lose my house


Add on the fact I will have to apply for SSDI and all the new fun and exciting things my body has chosen to do....

Since these things occurred, ALL of the friends that used to fill my life have faded away. They either don't want to associate with sober DH or are sick and tired of hearing about how sick and tired DH and I are. This includes people I used to talk to every day.

God has granted me some new friends, but it just isn't the same.

Oh yeah, and by the way I think I have developed POTS......